Grace in Relationships

 

Relationships can be difficult. Essentially, a relationship is about approval.

We are hungry for approval. We are looking for someone to proclaim that we are worthy of being loved. In a new relationship, we may fear that who we really are will not meet our newly-significant other's standard, so we often protect our inner vulnerability by playing a part, by being who we think they want us to be. 

If we fall short of the standards we perceive them to have, we may lash out, exposing their vulnerabilities so that they will be too busy licking their wounds to notice our flaws. Pride often darkens our reactions, moving us to attack when we feel attacked. We turn the tables and point out all the ways in which they fall short of our standards.

We often forget that in a relationship, we are not shopping for a finished product (and trying to get a discount for that person's missing parts and brokenness). 

Being in a relationship is more like starting a brand new business, where we have to invest a significant amount of resources over our lifetime to help them be the person that God is molding them to be.

Guys and girls are not godliest, most mature, most wise, most humble, most prosperous, most confident when they are young. They are just starting out in life. What matters is the end product. How you treat your significant other has a great deal to do with who they will be at their end.

May God give us grace to cover all things with love. May He give us grace to pray for that person, to respect them, to act with deference, to be gracious with their shortcomings. When they aren't measuring up to our standards, may God give us the grace to remember how far short we fall of His standards, and how much grace He has given us to approve us when we deserve hell. May God give us the grace to remember that we are a work in progress too.