The Now and Not Yet of Commitment to Church Life

We are saved to serve. Indeed, serving the church is pleasant and edifying. I am in the church now but have not yet committed to serving and being active in church life because of my past, present, and future.

I hesitate to serve now because I want to hold onto people from my past. My transition in membership to Immanuel is recent and I miss my old friends with whom I grew and served for ten plus years. I struggle to grow relationships in Immanuel because I am trying to hold on to relationships from the past. However, perhaps God has drawn me away from the people I knew in the way that He drew Joseph out of his family or Moses out of Pharaoh's house so that they could accomplish the Lord's specific purpose for them. 

I hesitate to serve now because of my present season of serving my family and being in college. 

Whenever I think of serving the church, I always check mentally whether I am sufficiently serving my family, since one who does not provide for her family has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. Also, my family tends to schedule an event for the same time that a church event is scheduled so I am forced to make a decision about in whom to invest my time. Truly, I am more edified from the instruction and fellowship provided at Immanuel than I do from interaction with my family, and must bring a return on IBC's investment, but I have been acting upon loyalty to my family.

The necessity of diligence in my studies at college makes me step back from serving as well, though this is a sorry excuse because I do not actually care for my studies. In the spirit of efficiency, I work hard not for an A but for the best grade possible for the least amount of effort, which, by the God's grace, has often been an A or B anyway.

I hesitate to serve now because of an uncertain future, my own "now and not yet." Lord willing, I will graduate this semester and have applied for a fellowship program which, if I am accepted, will require me to live in San Francisco for nine months. After that, I must consider my profession and invest accordingly. I do not want to start work in a ministry only to uproot a few months later. If I put my hand to the plow, I want to finish the job. So I just haven't committed.

For now, I suppose I must weigh my options and make a decision about what I will pursue. Finalizing a decision will bring peace to my anxious mind.